7 07 2018

An ancient bell that has remained mute since before anyone can remember suddenly peals in the full light of day.

The townspeople are astonished, the children giggle, even the bird song is silenced by the power of that single note.

It has begun.


An Omen in the Sky

19 08 2017

Eclipses were once surprising and frightening events.  The sudden daytime darkness could change the course of politics, wars, or romance.

Now that eclipses are predicted well in advance, can they still hold some surprise?

Why not?  Monday’s eclipse will coincidentally mark several red letter events in my life.  Why not make the omen in the sky into a new beginning?


20 06 2017

How shall I know
   Unless I go
To Cairo and Cathay
   Whether or not
This blessed spot
   is blessed in every way?
–Edna St. Vincent Millay

I’ve walked along the black sanded beaches of Hawaii, and floated a gondola down the canals of Venice.  I swayed atop a camel around the Great Pyramid of Cheops, and carefully navigated a car right through the base of a mighty sequoia.  I stood atop a glacier in Iceland, and I’ve run from elephants in Kenya.  I’ve been witness to the ostentatious consumerism of Las Vegas, and the abject destitution of a shanty town in South Africa.  In Greece I climbed the heights of the Parthenon; in Rome I explored the depths of the catacombs.  Behind a speedboat I was tugged into the air high above the azure seas of Acapulco, and I knelt on the cold floor of St. Patrick’s Cathedral in Dublin.

I’ve loved every aspect of my travels, even with hindsight, the frantic one a.m. searches for a place to rest my head, the missed flights, the attempted pickpocketings, and the anxiety of trying to find a friend in a foreign city with the sketchiest of plans.

Because of changes in my life over the last few years, it’s unlikely that I’ll be doing much traveling for a time.  There remain a few places that I’d like to go, and one place that I must go.

In the “Like to go” category, I’d like to travel to the southern most tip of Argentina, Tierra Del Fuego, and board an ice cutter headed further south still.  I’d like to see the iridescent blue of the icebergs of Antarctica before we melt them all to make way for more refineries.  I want to open my eyes against the sting of bitter cold and witness the Aurora Australis, the Southern Lights.

But there is the other place, the place I have to go to, the journey I must make alone:  I intend to go nowhere.  I don’t mean Nowhere, Kansas.  I’ve been there with my kids; it’s a sign in the middle of a farmer’s field by railroad tracks that says “Nowhere.”

No.  By nowhere, I mean 24° North, 43° West, the middle of the Atlantic ocean.  There I would be almost a thousand miles from the next human being, 1200 miles from Africa’s Cape Verde islands, 1200 miles from Europe’s Azores, and 1200 miles from the Bermudas of North America.  Even the commercial shipping lanes are routed far to the north and south of this spot.

In that place, I will lower my sail, halt the boat’s progress, and spend time listening to the waves lapping against the hull and the ropes slapping against the mast.  There I will soak in silence and allow it to wash away the last few years.


The Cost of Trump’s Wall

12 03 2017

Trump’s own estimate for the cost of his wall is ten billion dollars, but some estimates put the cost at as much as twenty-five billion.

What can you buy for twenty-five billion?  Regardless of where the money comes from, what else could we do with that much money?  I’ll use the $25 billion because…  well…  when has a government project ever been completed for the low estimate?

  • Pay 44,000 new teachers for ten years
  • Build 1,250 new elementary schools
  • Pay for chemotherapy for 800,000 cancer patients
  • Pay all health care costs for every man woman and child in Kansas
  • Build 57,000 low income apartments
  • Buy 8 billion school lunches
  • Fix Flint Michigan’s water system (and 15 other cities just like it)
  • Buy metal detectors for every school in the country
  • Outpatient addiction rehab for 2.5 million drug users
  • Send 13 more rovers to Mars or 3 new space telescopes

But hey, I’m sure that a pretty new wall is more important than any of these things, right?

Just remember that the $25,000,000,000 wall can be defeated with a $25 homemade ladder.


Forrest City Low

10 03 2017

I live in an exclusive gated community.  Residence here is by invitation only.

Our community has a staff of hundreds.  Our laundry is picked up, washed, and returned the next day without fail.  Our facilities are cleaned seven days a week – even on holidays.  We have free cable.  The community brags a library so trusting that most books don’t even need to be checked out – just grab and go.  We have a restaurant that serves meals designed by an on staff dietitian.  The meals are all included, of course, at no extra cost.  Alcoholic beverages are not included, but can be obtained in a variety of venues.  Our inter-racial barber shop has four chairs and is open long hours with or without an appointment.  Standard trims are provided at no cost, though gratuity is appreciated (and recommended if your barber is a former mobster like mine).

The community boasts an on site medical and dental staff, and we even have our own pharmacy right here on the grounds.  If you make an appointment today, they might be able to see you next year, or next month if it’s an emergency such as a heart attack.  The care is spectacular; you cannot die here.  If your heart stops beating on the premises, you will be placed in chains, taken outside the front gate, and pronounced dead there.  You’re perfectly safe inside.

Our athletic area has two baseball diamonds, four basketball, four handball, one volleyball, and one soccer field.  There are two jogging tracks; one is paved and the other is dirt.  We have elliptical machines, stationary bikes, and treadmills.  I suggest you sign up for the spin class; it’ll kick your butt.  Be sure to be with a few friends on your first visit; you don’t want to learn the unwritten rules the hard way.

We have a 0% unemployment rate.  Everyone has a job.  Many don’t pay anything and don’t have any actual duties, per se, but you will have a job.  The hundreds of “Ghost jobs” allow the facility to be in compliance with various requirements of the authorities.  Your first job will pay twelve cents an hour, but with enough time you can get to forty cents an hour!

Our chapel caters to every religion large and small, from Buddhist to Wicca with rarer flavors like Santeria and Odinism mixed in.  That’s right, worship of the Norse gods is alive and well here among a small but…  dedicated group.  Tip:  Don’t sign up to worship Odin unless your skin lacks melanin and you were invited to the community for the *right* reasons.

Most amazing here are the people you meet, and their backgrounds.

Bank robbers are, as a group, the most gregarious bunch you’ll ever talk to.  They’ve a “devil may care” attitude that’s infectious.  They’re always ready for some fun and never met a man they didn’t like.  Tax dodgers, on the other hand, tend to be a disgruntled lot, and very suspicious of your motives.  Most surprisingly, the murderers are a pretty light-hearted bunch and often have plans for the future.  One such fellow told me of his intent to return to his old business.  In between choruses of songs from the 80’s, he described his craft in great detail, “Yeah, I can get $15,000 for a hit.  But, you gotta do it right!  Not one shot, not two, I empty that muthafuckin’  clip!  Tha’s my signature!”  Another, rumored to have killed over a hundred and gotten away with it, would never be so crass as that.  He’s a gentleman, always well groomed, friend to everyone, and at times seems to have the most pull of anyone here.  He slaps me on the back everyday, and with his slight Italian accent, honestly seems to care, “How you doin’ buddy?”

For all the diverse experience, many of the folks here are pretty helpless with some basic skills.  I’ve done work for them as a cobbler, tailor, and cabinet maker.  So far, the cheesecake business I’m involved in has been the most profitable.  We mark our cheesecakes up 300% and we still can’t make them fast enough.  We get six stamps a slice and I often have no idea what to do with all the profit.

But, legal work has garnered me the most respect and gratitude.  A simple motion, typed relatively free of spelling errors is a precious thing here.  Two fellows even offered “favors on the outside” in exchange for my efforts.  “Uhm…  thanks.  But, how about a box of crackers instead?”  Seriously man…  if you change your mind, I can get it done…  “Yeah, no.  Crackers are good.”

There’s a real danger that if you stay long enough here, you won’t want to leave.  I’ve seen it over and again; men are terrified to leave the relative safety of this place.  Some take drastic measures to ensure that their invitations are extended.  One, who was within a month of losing his place here, was able to get a reprieve by beating another nearly to death.  I met a man who had stayed at similar gated communities longer than I had been alive.  He robbed a bank with a note, sat down outside, and waited for the kindly people who would bring him back home.


The Swamp

15 02 2017

Dropping in crocodiles and asking them to drink as much as they can is not a viable plan to “drain the swamp.”

What does Putin have on Trump?

20 01 2017

With all of the sniffling during the debates, whatever dirty laundry Putin has on Trump will probably involve cocaine.

Because Trump seems so completely in Putin’s pocket, the blackmail video must be of a criminal act.  After all, the man is proud of his crass nature, and wouldn’t hesitate to admit to any lesser action.

Trump has bragged about being able to shoot someone and get away with it, so let’s assume it involves a killing.

Trump’s description of his own actions labels him as a sexual predator, and he’s expressed an abnormal physical interest in his own daughter, so let’s add that to the mix.

Because he likes to go overboard with everything he does, it’s got to be well beyond garden variety wrongdoing.

So, my money is on Putin having video of Trump doing lines of coke off the body of an underage prostitute, who looks strangely like his own daughter, after he used her to make his own snuff film.  There you have it.  It explains everything.